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Final Reflection: A Bittersweet Ending

I can’t believe that my two years of library school are coming to a close. I have been on a strange journey to get this degree.

In the 1990s, after four years of teaching English, I applied to Kent’s MLIS program, was accepted, and then decided to pursue a MA in English instead. Digging into literature sounded like more fun than cataloging at the time, and I thought maybe I’d go for a Ph.D. in English some day. Now I am finishing my 20th year of teaching English, and the Ph.D. in English never happened. Two years ago in a bit of mid-life pondering, I decided being a SLMS would afford me a lot more time in the evenings and maybe less stress than teaching English. The last two years taught me that being a librarian is not stress-free, especially with the need for constantly proving your worth, budget cuts, lowish pay, and a lack of job security. Also, there is the constant need to stay on top of technology, which is not my specialty. The grass wasn’t so green once I started visiting librarians.

About three weeks ago, I was offered what I thought would be a dream library job: library media specialist at a local high school. I was confident in the interviews and was truly excited about the possibilities. When I got the offer, I did not have the reaction I thought I would; I was not elated, but terrified. My head began swimming with all the technology that I need to understand but don’t and how drastically my life would change with a huge (30K) pay cut. On top of that, I would go from a continuing contract to a one-year limited contract in a district with financial trouble. I talked the decision over with my husband, family, and a few close friends.

My dream of being a librarian was in front of me for the taking, and I had to decline it. The economy is so bad right now, and librarians are often on the chopping block. The listserv laments about low budgets and job cuts boiled inside me. I need to be fiscally responsible to my three children, and the pay cut was just too much to bear. I am glad I got the offer; it gave me confidence that I can be a librarian. I hope another opportunity a bit higher on the salary schedule presents itself in the coming years.

So, I am sad that my studies over the last two years will not be put to use in a library next year (or maybe ever), but I have gained so much that can be applied to teaching English and raising my own children. I am very excited about my courses for this Fall, and the librarian at my school has opened up his world for me if I want to come in and help him out at any time. The library will still be a favorite place to be even if it’s not “mine.”

On a positive note, going to grad school was a “shot in the arm” to get me with the times. In Dr. Byerly’s //Access to Information//, we had to find and read blogs to see what is currently going on in the field. I subscribed to several library journals and enjoyed being current. I have let my English affiliations fade out over the years, and these two years made me realize I should be staying more current in my field. I have a renewed interest in beefing up my professional life, so this program has caused an important attitudinal change. I am excited about what’s new instead of being threatened by it.

I also have so much more confidence and knowledge when it comes to teaching research and doing my own research. The information I have learned about resources, especially reference materials for school age children and teens, will be very useful to me in my job and as a parent. I have found myself saying, “I don’t know, but we can look it up” to students, my husband, my kids, and even my colleagues. I have become a fearless researcher with lots of tricks in my toolbox for finding information. I have created multiple documents for use with high schoolers, and I am better able to teach my own students how to use the library databases.

My students will be lucky to have a teacher who is also a certified media specialist. I can apply my librarian-skills to my own English classes. I can promote reading, discuss books, use technology to enhance my material, collaborate with other teachers, plan book-related programs (such as poetry readings), design book displays, etc. These are some of the fun things about being a librarian that I can do as an English teacher. I can certainly teach them literacy skills and promote a love of reading, perhaps more easily than a school librarian. I am even more convinced than ever that these two professions are sisters, and I am drawn to the qualities they share.

On the negative side, I have to say I honestly think the Kent program is not sufficient in teaching the amount of technology we (new librarians) need in this changing world. I still need to learn or review some of the basic things a SLMS has to do in a library: how to trouble-shoot computer problems, how to use digital cameras (uploading and editing pictures, sharing pictures, etc), how to use cam- corders (how to edit and save film on thumb drives, what wires to connect to what part of the machine, etc), how to use various projection devices, how to connect and use video conferencing equipment, how to run the morning announcements (a common job for an elementary school librarian), how to use an ELMO and a SMARTboard, how to create a web site, how to create wikis and blogs using several types of programs, etc. There needs to be a class that is hands-on and in person (not online!) to teach a range of computer and technology skills. I saw that Kent offers an AV workshop, and that looks like a good option, but this type of material needs to be a requirement since technology is such a big part of the job description. The courses I took did require me to use technology to some degree, but I am by no means comfortable enough to do some of the tech functions I saw librarians doing during my practicum and other visits. Maybe it’s just me who is behind the times in the tech world, but I was hoping this degree would make me more proficient than it did. So, my next goal is to learn more about technology and how to actually use it in instruction. The program has given me many ideas about what to do, but now I have to figure out how to do what I want to do. I did not realize that the media part of the job was getting so technical or I may not have pursued the degree. I wouldn’t mind being a good old-fashioned librarian, but those days are over.

My two year program ended how I envisioned: a job offer! But, the reality of the low pay and shaky security hit home. So, I end with the satisfaction of knowing I have worked hard and learned a new profession that is easily applicable to my own field. It is not the ending I was hoping for, but I am a different person and teacher because of my experiences over the past two years.